Hello, everyone. Unless you live under a rock (and didn’t see the banner that was likely placed on said rock or notice the security perimeter that made commuting to and from the rock in question a pain in the ass), it’s finally time for the VP debate at Longwood! Due to this rare occasion, I am interrupting your regularly scheduled Rotonion to bring you a column of a different nature. With the political crapshoot heating up, the presidential candidates will become an everyday topic of conversation for most people (if they aren’t already). As your loyal columnist, I would be remiss if I didn’t provide you with some strong ammunition to use in your political discussions, especially against one candidate in particular. So without further ado, here are 25 nicknames for Donald Trump:
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Screamin’ Tangerine
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America’s Favorite Wrinkly Thumb
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The Human Cheeto
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Señor Baby Hands
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The Whiter Kardashian
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The “before” person in an infomercial who can’t accomplish the simple task
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Donald Drumpf
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Humpty Trumpty
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That weird racist uncle who doesn't get out much
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The Living Breathing Twitter Account
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Cheesey McCheeshead
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“Yuge”
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Buh Na Na Na Bratman
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Goldie Locks
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The Xenophobic Dorito
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Live Action Annoying Orange
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Angry rotten sweet potato
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A Mutant Carrot Toupee Salesman
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Sunny D, if Sunny D was actually ignorant and racist but still orange
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An internet troll who wandered into real life
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The world’s most upsetting sunset
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The bad snapchat filter that came to life
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That last french fry that got stuck under the couch cushion and has been there for years, covered in dust and dog hair, but has somehow gained the trust of all the ants in your apartment.
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A melting wax statue of 1990s Donald Trump
- A misinformed, racist, greedy, baby fingered threat to our nation and the values we pride ourselves upon