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Friday, July 11, 2025

Live, Love & Longwood: Breaking up is hard to do

Get over your ex and start a new, better life

Dear Karyn,

I’ve been dumped and I feel like my life has been turned upside down.  Even though I understand that the reasons for our breakup were valid and that it needed to happen, I am completely lost on my own.  How do I move on with my life?  How do I not cry myself to sleep every night?

Sincerely,

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Breaking Up is Hard to Do,

The first thing I’d like you to do is to stop feeling guilty for crying yourself to sleep. The release of emotions after a breakup can be highly cathartic and it’s a crucial part of your recovery. Let the tears fall. Call your mom and sob into the phone for a while. Binge-eat an entire box of Cheese Nips in an hour. In the first few days and weeks after the breakup, you’re entitled to cope however you see fit.

In the meantime, do what you can to distract yourself. Block your ex on social media. Purge your phone of all pictures and messages. Discard any and all items that serve as painful reminders of your broken heart. My preferred method of disposal is donating to thrift stores, or if it’s something valuable like a piece of jewelry, selling things online. (Some people like to burn the remnants of relationships past. To them I say, FUCK THAT! #MakeThatMoney #DonationsAreAlsoCool)

Unfortunately, distraction only goes so far. At some point, the excitement of being able to utilize the entire mattress every night instead of being pushed up against the wall will fade. The joy of being able to guiltlessly do whatever you want will turn into a quiet loneliness that seems never-ending. This is when it’s beneficial to talk to the people you love. 

Bitching about your ex to your friends and family sounds like a petty waste of time but it really isn’t. Sit down with a friend and go on an hour-long tangent about that time they said that Ashley looked prettier than you (even though you were wearing a GORGEOUS crushed velvet dress and had JUST gotten your eyebrows waxed). Rant and rave about how they made your achievements feel insignificant. 

Through these discussions, you can start to identify problems that you might not have been willing to admit existed while you were together. This will promote healthier relationships in the future because it helps you determine what you truly can’t put up with. Additionally, the validation that occurs when you share a relationship horror story and your friends react with a “HOW WERE YOU WITH THEM FOR SO LONG?!” is precious. Relish it. 

Lastly, I urge you to cope with this loss through self-care and personal improvement. Channeling your brokenness into positive change will bring you satisfaction and make you a holistically better person. I recommend the following based on personal experience:  

1)    Take long walks in nature. They can be leisurely or a time to #GetSwole.  Either way, having some quiet time to yourself in a beautiful place can help remind you that there’s good in the world. 

2)    Make time to do things you missed out on while you were in a relationship.  Attend a Lancer Productions event on a lonely Saturday night. Join a new club that previously conflicted with your date schedule. Fuck around with your friends more often. 

3)    Invest in some new clothes if you can. Wearing things that you like will increase your confidence, making you feel less pathetic and unlovable in the aftermath of your breakup.

4)    Read a book. Even if you can only finish one per month, the distraction afforded by escaping into a literary world is invaluable.

5)    Become more organized. Dive into your schoolwork and focus on your professional life.  This will make you feel like a competent adult, even if you’re only faking it until you make it. 

6)    Take care of your health. Get enough sleep, and go to the Health Center if you’re feeling under the weather. 

 Try to breathe and remember that roses bloom when the dead limbs are cut off and thrown away.  Soon, you’ll only think of them once a day…then once a week, then occasionally while you’re shit-faced, then never.

Love,

Karyn 

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