Hey guys, welcome to this week’s Rotonion. If you would like to caramelize your Rotonions, saute them in olive oil under medium heat until they turn golden brown. Anyway, let’s get to your questions.
First off this week:
Q1: "I've seen this tremendous douche around campus and he has a 'T' around his neck. What does it stand for? I'd ask him myself but he's kind of a music hero."
I wish I could say that I understood this question, but I just really, truly, do not understand the hell you are talking about. I’m way too tired from spring weekend to deal with this crap, but let’s break down this question and see what we can come up with. I am, after all, your loyal columnist.
So, you’ve seen this tremendous douce around campus with a "T" around his neck. Is this a necklace with a "T" pendant? Or does he actually somehow have the letter "T" warped and wrapped around his neck? I am going to assume it’s a necklace, because that is more convenient and I’m tired.
What does the "T" necklace stand for you ask? Perhaps it stands for “tremendous douche.” Just a thought.
Finally, you say that you are too afraid to ask him because he is a “music hero.” Well obviously he isn't because I’ve never seen him.
Q2: "How long will the love between the sun and the moon last?"
This is a great question, and normally I would give you some kind of bullshit answer about how the sun is cheating with the moons of mars or something. However, since I love space, I’m going to answer your question with A SCIENCE.
Let’s start with the moon. It is in a tidally locked orbit with the earth, meaning one side always faces us. For the moon to be able to break earth’s orbit and fly out into space, leaving both us and the sun high and dry, it would have to accelerate by an insane amount, an amount that isn’t possible without some extreme outside intervention. So, unsurprisingly, the moon is both figuratively and literally the rock in this relationship.
The sun is much more unstable. Having used about half of the hydrogen fuel in its core, the sun has only about half of its life left. About 5 billion years. This is not a problem for our relationship with the sun, but It does create a problem for the moon. Once the sun uses up its remaining hydrogen, it will begin to expand, swallowing up everything in its bath, including earth, and yes, the moon.
So to answer your question, the love between the sun and the moon will last about 5 billion more years, until the sun dies and completely absorbs the moon. It will end the way most romances do, slowly but violently.
I hope that answers your questions, and tell that music hero to screw off.
Xoxo Gossip Austin