Hello Rotionioners, and welcome to this week’s question and answer column! It’s amazing that no one has told us to stop yet!
Last week the questions were a bit dry, if I'm being honest. However, it seems as if you beautiful readers have heard my cry, because we have some interesting question nuggets to chew upon this week. Are you excited? I’m excited. Let’s get started!
First Question:
“Would you rather poop at a party knowing that you'll clog the toilet and everyone will know that it was you, or go in the bushes outside instead?"
Umm, wow. Has...has this happened to you? Do you expect it to happen? What on earth did you eat to where these are your two best options?
Well, I am certainly confused and concerned, but let’s break this question down and see if we can’t find an answer.
It seems as though your first mistake is pooping at a party in the first place. You never poop at a party, ever. Don’t even use the bathroom at a party if you can help it. Let’s be real about this, you just don’t know what horrible things have happened in that bathroom.
Maybe, contrary to popular belief, pooping in the bushes would be the better option. It’s arguably a cleaner, more pleasant experience, and if people ask you about it, you can always blame it on the dog or just say that you thought the bushes needed more fertilizer. On the downsides, you will have to bring your own TP, and possibly a shovel to bury your misdeeds.
In the end, just shit before the party.
Next Question!
“Do you think crabs look at fish and think of them as how we humans think of birds?"
This is actually really interesting, and it’s something I’ve never really thought about. Personally, I tend to think of birds as annoying sky mice who shit on my car only after I’ve cleaned it. Crabs probably don’t have this problem because I assume they are largely unaware of both mice and cars. But I do wonder if they get mad about fish shitting all over the place, I certainly would.
To give you a more definitive answer to your question, I think crabs look at fish like humans look at birds if birds were both bigger than us and more abundant. See, crabs are pretty small on the scale of ocean life, and they have literal whales flying above their heads. That would be like us walking outside, only to find out that there is a flock of wild 747s roosting in tree in the front yard. So no, I don’t think crabs look at fish like we look at birds. I also think that you are perhaps vastly overestimating the cognitive abilities and self awareness of crabs.
That was fun! Thanks for the weird questions, and keep them coming!
Hopefully next go round, I’ll spend less time talking about shit.
