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The Rotunda
Tuesday, July 22, 2025

More Questions

Hello esteemed Rotonion readers and/or people who are just leafing through the paper because they are bored in D-Hall. (Don’t worry we’ve all done it.) This week we are back with more As for your Qs.

I hate writing introductions, so let’s just get started shall we?

Q1: "I am a Gemini and I have a friend who is a Pisces. I can't with this. Help."

Well, alright. I have to be honest with you, I feel like you don’t entirely grasp the concept of what a question is, but no matter. I will, as your loyal columnist, do my best to respond to your sentence anyway.

You’re  a Gemini, and your friend is a Pisces. That’s cool. I’m an Aquarius and my cat is a cat. Moving on.

Next you say, “I can’t with this.” Well, I’m sorry to hear that. I also don’t know how to respond to it.

Finally, you end with a plea for help. My advice? You might want to check Buzzfeed, because I don’t really feel like I’ve been any help. I do believe that they have quizzes for this sort of thing.

Q2: "Nobody in my dorm knows how to cook. They set off fire alarms if they even try. Please teach them."

Okay, again, this isn’t really a question. Questions have question marks. They look like this: ? Now you know, so at least I can say I accomplished something. Also, it’s a bit hard to teach people how to cook through a newspaper column, but I’ll do my best.

My best advice for the aspiring chef is to stick to what you know, even if that’s cereal. Actually, especially if it’s cereal - because cereal is really really damn hard to burn. Believe me, I’ve tried.

However, if you want something more than just cereal, you could always, you know, order food. Let’s face the elephant in the room here, cooking is overrated. First you have to acquire ingredients, then deal with the stress of actually cooking them. And when you’re finally done, you have to clean everything. That’s bullshit, just order Chinese, it’s so much easier and less prone to fire.

“But, Austin,” you say “I really just want a home cooked meal, and I’m tired of all three of the restaurants in Farmville!” To which I reply, get a roommate who knows to cook. Seriously, thats a great move. You don’t have to deal with the shopping or the cleaning, and you get all the rewards!

I lived with a guy who loved cooking, and nothing was better than waking up to eat a real breakfast when you’re hungover, and then not having to clean. Or coming home to dinner that's already been made. It’s really the best thing ever.

Hopefully I was of some help, and if I wasn’t, maybe Cassie was. She tends to do a better job at these things anyway.

If you have more questions that need the highest quality of answers, tweet us @TheRotonion. We might respond.


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