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The Rotunda
Monday, July 7, 2025

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words Will Never Hurt Me

I've never considered myself a well-known person. I suppose people recognize my name from The Rotunda, but other than my journalistic ventures, I wouldn't consider my name to be a trigger name. I'm quiet, I don't go out to social events like ever, and I stick to a pretty small group of people. So imagine my surprise when my name appeared on a thread on College ACB.

Don't know what College ACB is? It's a rumor mill site, very similar to JuicyCampus. Essentially the purpose of the site is to trash other people anonymously. Another editor on the staff, Sarah, wanted us to write an article about the site, and I had no idea what she was talking about. I got on the site to get a better grasp of what she wanted to report on and at first it seemed pretty tame. The first couple posts I came across were ranting about random things. After searching the site I found a post that said "Nicole Dales." Curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on the link. Sarah was standing next to me and immediately closed the window out, telling me that it didn't matter and not to read it. Do you think I listened to her? Of course not. I go back to the site, only to find out that people think I'm fake, obnoxious, pathetic, and negative. Someone thinks my chest is too large, someone thinks I'm ugly and doesn't like my boyfriend and someone would be okay with me dying tomorrow. Oh, someone even pulled out the "C" word to describe me.

I had the immediate reaction of feeling horrible about myself. I made the mistake of reading the site right before the Student Government Association meeting, and I had to go check all of the information for my article after the meeting because I couldn't concentrate on anything else than what was written on that site. I couldn't believe people thought that kind of stuff about me, and I quickly slipped into a "screw everything" state of mind. My fellow editors caught whim of what was making me upset and they jumped to my defense. My best friend Katie was there to tell me that none of it was true, and everyone I spoke to pointed out that I had people on the site defending me as well.

It didn't matter to me. I temporarily allowed the opinions of four people (although I doubt it was four unrelated parties posting) dominate what I thought of myself. I didn't want to talk to anyone; I didn't want to do anything. I even considered skipping classes, only going because my friends made me, although I have no idea what happened in lecture that day. It was after I finally sat down with my adviser to talk about the website that I was able to ignore what was written and move on with my everyday routine. I fell into the "trap" and allowed the website to have the exact affect that the people posting wanted. Luckily, I snapped out of it about 18 hours after seeing the post. It's the people who don't have anyone on there to defend them or to say positive things that break my heart. After reading what other people said on that site, I became more and more upset.

I debated writing this editorial. There is the argument that this editorial is only going to make people want to gossip more and make the issue bigger. The larger, more expansive argument was the one about how this website is degrading, offensive and immature, and the only way to stop this disgraceful behavior is to raise awareness and put a stop to the trash. I wanted to make my argument more concrete, so I decided to talk to people on campus about the issue.

First, I sat down with Dr. Lee Bidwell, professor of sociology, to discuss the issue. We first started talking about the issue of bullying, and she said, "It's a bigger problem when it happens in cyberspace when you as a victim don't even know how many people know these things. There is really no way to defend yourself. It takes on a life of its own. You can damage somebody's reputation."

She went on to talk about a "cyber footprint," touching on the fact that once something is out on the Internet, it's out there and it can't be taken back. Also, these kinds of remarks leave lasting effects, and the pain can continue long after the bully was even trying to hurt the person.

She was amazed that students in this age group were even engaging in this behavior. "You would think by the time folks got to college, or to be young adults, they would not be so interested in hurting people and writing defamatory slanderous things about them . they should be at a level of maturity that stops them from that."

The anonymity allows people more freedom to post, and she thinks if people had to identify themselves, they would be less likely to engage in the behavior. "If you knew who they were and you could confront them about it, they wouldn't do it because they know it's mean and they know it's hurtful," she said.

Junior Maria Soliven has been written about on the site, however, she's not letting it affect her. In fact, she only got involved with the site in the first place because she got on to defend her friend who was attacked on the site first. "I defended her and wrote my name down and after that, since I wrote my name down, there was a thread about me right after that," explained Soliven. She said what made her most upset was when people asked if she was "DTF," which is a sexually-slanted acronym, which she feels is rude.

She said that people she didn't even know started defending her, which served as more of an ego booster than anything else, and although she acknowledges that it's hypocritical she suggests others don't post or defend people. "I think its best just not to write on it because people will find stuff to talk about," she said. She also pointed out that it's the opinion of not a lot of people, and it could just be the same person posting over and over again. "It's not that thought of the school that's on ACB it's the thought of one person," Soliven explained.

"Personally, I think that they are completely pointless, a waste of time, and waste of emotion. As much as people say they do not get to them, either deep down it does or there are some people at least who it really does hurt," said junior Christy Savage. Junior Brittany Bevins had a similar opinion. "I think they're really childish. I feel like if people really have the time to get on there and talk about people just to do it then they need to grow up. Websites like this are used to degrade people and it's all over the Internet for everyone to see and I don't think it's fair for people to know someone based on what they read. And that happens a lot," she said.

Bevins encouraged victims to not listen to the website. "If people have to be behind a computer screen to talk about someone or say something about someone and aren't mature enough to say it to the person's face their not worth the time."

"I'm a firm believer that if one person has a problem with another, it should be addressed in a face to face setting so that the people involved can work out their [mostly petty] differences in a mature manner. Unfortunately the advent of the internet has made it much easier for people to bash one another behind the shield of anonymity," said senior Brandon Clemmons. He added, "I would advise them to simply ignore the site because if they respond it will only add fuel to the fire."

"I believe it is totally childish. We are adults and people are going out of their way to be hateful to others. It is high school behavior and if anyone contributes to the site, they are stooping very low," said an anonymous student. The student added "Just stay off of the website in general, it does no good and only brings people down.

Director of User Support Services Kim Redford explained the site cannot be blocked by Longwood's servers because if they start blocking every site that someone is offended by, they could start blocking sites that people actually need. Vice President of Student Affairs Tim Pierson also acknowledged the issue of freedom of speech, but he didn't think that was a valid argument in support of the website.

Pierson discussed how it's really taking advantage of people who can't defend themselves by posting anonymously on the Web. "Is there anyway to really defend yourself over the network like that? There isn't. It's really a very sad statement about folks who do that." He thinks the biggest things a student can do is to discourage people from visiting the site and posting on the site. "The only way we can really shut it down is by students not participating, not going to the website and not taking an interest in that sort of garbage," said Pierson.

"It's really a very cheap shot at someone to go on a site and say something like that. It's a very very disturbing and I know how harmful it is," said Pierson. "Anyone who would say something about another person in that fashion, it says very little about that person to me," said Pierson. He added, "I don't think anyone really internationally wants to really destroy someone. I think these are loose decisions that are not well thought out that obviously are not caring about another person. Very sad."

There is no purpose to this website, except to say horrible things about each other. I just don't understand it. Whatever happened to saying something to someone's face? There are so many Greeks called out on that site, and perhaps I was misguided in believing this, but I always thought in the end fraternities and sororities supported each other. And sure, commenting on someone's sexual promiscuity is funny until it's your best friend, someone in your sorority, or your little sister.

It's the same question a guidance counselor would ask a 10-year-old who has gotten in trouble for bullying at recess: What do you have to gain from this? How does it make you feel better about yourself? And to top it off, it's not like posting on this site will make you seem cooler because it's anonymous. There is nothing to gain from this site. It doesn't make you a better person. What you say lasts forever, and tech people can easily trace back an IP address to see the computer the post was made from.

There are lines being crossed here. Sure, we all gossip in our day to day lives. I am no exception to that. Katie is my confidant, and I trust her. She's the one I have rant sessions with, and I would say pretty much anything to her. I'm not saying what I do is right, but the things I say to Katie during a private conversation in my dorm room are things that stay between us. I would never, ever post that sort of thing online, because it's horrible to say and an even worse thing to post online to last forever. I hold myself to a higher regard then that, and I would expect most people my age to have more class.

Apparently I thought wrong. Posting these comments so everyone who has Internet access can read it, that's ridiculous. Going off from that, take a look at what is being posted. Calling me a fake, obnoxious person, I can handle that. Saying you would be okay with my dying, that's a whole other issue. I don't expect everyone at this school to sob if I died tomorrow, but I also don't like to think that someone will be in their dorm or apartment celebrating my death. Is it really necessary to say that? When did society get to be so blatantly rude? Who goes to sleep at night thinking that what they posted is appropriate? My mom always told me when I was growing up that when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror I should be happy with who I see. If I posted this trash about someone else, I certainly wouldn't be happy with the girl in the mirror and I don't think many people out there would honestly be okay with what they said either.

After having some time to calm down I was able to put the situation in perspective. First of all, someone out there cares about me enough to dedicate the thread in my honor. I don't care if they think I'm attractive because I already found my guy, and it's okay that they don't like him because there isn't a threat of someone else trying to snatch him up. I'm not a fake person, nor am I negative. I'm pretty genuine and I say what I mean and mean what I say. I have nothing to say to the obnoxious and pathetic comments, because at the end of the day everyone has someone who doesn't like them. That's just the way it is. I don't like it, but as I was reminded we all have that person in our life that irks us, and I guess I'm someone's person.

I have people who love me, people who know the real me, and people who take me as I am. The handful of people who hate me enough can't take what I have away from me. If anything, this site only made the ties I have with the people I'm close to tighter. I certainly feel safer and more comfortable with The Rotunda staff after going through the process of writing this editorial. And that's the message I want to pass along to anyone else affected on this site. Your life is your life, and no one else can mess with that unless you let them. Stand strong, be who you are, and ignore those who try and bring you down.

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