Something is hovering over the Longwood campus, and it's not just the army practicing military drills. Over the weekend Longwood's Parents Council met to share their input on university issues and student needs. While I can overlook the group's improperly punctuated title (it should be Parents' Council, for my fellow grammar cops), I can't overlook the fact that this group is completely unnecessary on any college campus. The term helicopter parent first came into use in the 1990s and refers to parents who "hover" over their children and try to solve their problems. Most of the time these parents are well meaning, but at some point it has to stop. Many experts blame cell phones and constant communication between parents and children for the development of helicopter parenting and the delay in growing up. Whatever the reason, at some point this parental over-involvement needs to stop, and there is no better time than in college.
For most students, going to college is the first step towards independence from our parents. Being dropped off for freshman year brought with it a variety of emotions -relief or sadness for some, and perhaps a bit of fear or apprehension at finally being on your own. Many people say they "find" themselves during college and a large part of that is being on your own and making mistakes without parents there to cover for you. That's how you grow up. You screw up, and then you are responsible for fixing it.
Back in high school parents were involved in our education, and that was fine back then. PTAs, parent-teacher conferences and back to school night all provided parents with an opportunity to get involved and speak on our behalf. But that was when we were still minors, living with our parents full time and still learning our way in the world. Now that we were in college, though, it really is time to cut the umbilical cord.
According to the Parents(') Council Web site, "The Council advises the administration on student needs and issues." What exactly is wrong with students dealing with student problems? If you have a problem with a professor or get a bad grade on a test, college is not the time to go crying to Mommy and Daddy. And really, how much longer can you expect your parents to fight your battles for you? In high school when you were "sick" and skipped school, you could get your parents to write a note to get the absence excused. I don't know of any professors who will take an excuse note from parents when you were too hung over to come to class. And once we get out into the real world our parents can't call our bosses and complain when they yell at us or give us too much work to do.
By now everyone in college is over 18 and legally an adult, so it's time to fight your own battles without your parents' help. Those same student needs and issues the council is advising administrators on? Every student at Longwood is just as capable, and probably more so, of pointing out issues or problems and getting them fixed. Don't like something? Talk to your fellow students and start a petition or e-mail university officials with complaints or concerns. And every week The Rotunda provides an open forum for students to discuss anything that is bothering them at Longwood or in the world at large.
That's not to say that the Parents(') Council is all bad, and I'm sure that all of the members are well intentioned. In order to be a member of the council, parents give a $500 "gift" every year, and that money is used to fund student grant requests. Groups requesting grants go before the council with a brief presentation about their proposed project and what the money would be used for. While this seems like a good cause, it seems to me that the Parents(') Council provides the opportunity to "buy" influence at the university and for Longwood to set up lifelong donors.
By paying $500 and becoming a member of the Parents(') Council, families become members of a proposed 20-family body that helps "incorporate parents' perspective on campus and student life." These 20 families (or approximately 40 parents) have the power to influence the Longwood administration and university policy just by giving $500. I don't know about your parents, but mine don't have an extra $500 to give Longwood after throwing about $15,000 their way every year. And the people who give the university money nowadays want more than their name on a brick, they want something for their contribution. The Parents(') Council is actually a pretty ingenious way that Longwood has created to suck more money out of our parents. They give $500 every year, and in return they receive some say in how the university is run - a perfect ploy for the helicopter parents who want to be as involved as possible in their child's life. And Longwood gets the benefit of creating a habit of donating among these parents. If they are used to giving the university an extra $500 while their child is here, it's much more likely that they will continue giving after their child graduates. Pretty smart, Longwood.
An organization like this really has no place on any college campus. While it is natural for parents to want to stay involved in their child's lives and Facebook, e-mail and cell phones make it easier than ever, there is a point where parents need to step back and let their child live their own life. While doing everything for us may seem to make our lives a lot easier, part of college is getting ready for the real world. Having our parents here to complain to professors or the administration on our behalf isn't helping in the long run. It's just delaying the entry into adulthood that seems to be getting pushed back more and more. With living at home until mid to late-20s becoming much more common, parents are more inclined to keep fighting their children's battles for them, but in the end it's really hurting where the intention is to help.
So next time you get an F on a test you didn't study for or have a problem with a Longwood policy, don't go whining to your parents - do something about it. Take responsibility for your own life, your own choices and your own mistakes. No matter how much our parents want to help, we'll be off in the real world in a few short years with no Parents(') Council to complain on our behalf. So parents, please resist the urge to interfere with our college lives and let us do the growing up that some of us still desperately need to do. And students, suck it up, stand on your own two feet and deal with your problems yourself.
