Grief has never been an easy thing to talk about- in fact, when I mentioned writing this article, I almost backed out because it’s so hard to discuss. However, I was reminded this is something that needs to be talked about. If no one ever addresses it, how are people supposed to learn what they’re feeling?
This is a relevant topic right now, especially since the Longwood community lost one of their own less than a month ago. Regardless, this is something we all go through in our lives. There is no escaping it.
I’ve dealt with enough loss in my life to understand how the grieving process works, so I hope that when you’re reading this, you gain something from it.
When I was twelve years old, I lost my father to cancer. It turned my entire world upside down, and I truly believed that I would never get through it. Since I was just a kid, I didn’t know what it was like to lose someone of that importance.
I had always heard my mom say things like, “Oh, your grandmother’s friend passed away this weekend, and that’s why we can’t go see her” or something to that extent, but I had never dealt with it first-hand.
When my mom sat my siblings and I down to tell us that our father had passed away, I became a different person. Loss definitely changes you, but it takes a lot of strength to make sure that the change isn’t a bad one.
The process you go through after you hear the news that someone you love has passed away can sometimes be an unbearable one. For me, days leading up to the funeral had me in disbelief.
I kept waking up and going downstairs truly thinking that my dad was in his chair watching TV, I was in denial. It wasn’t until the funeral that I realized he was actually gone.
I feel that funerals are a common point in the cycle where reality hits- you’re seeing people around you mourn the same loss that you are. But even then, you should always remember though that there is no normal time period for grief and mourning and that it’s always going to take a while to get through it.
The days, weeks, months and years after are what count. For the next few days or weeks, you have to learn how to live without the person you just lost.
Personally, I didn’t deal with it well at all. I went from a happy, outgoing kid to someone who never left her room and never talked about what I was feeling to anyone.
Now that I’m older, I have learned from this mistake. You always have to allow yourself to be sad. If you hold in what you’re feeling you will never be able to fully move on from the situation.
I’m still the “suffer in silence” type, but I can fully recognize when I need to talk to someone. Reaching out is one of the safest things you can do for both your heart and mind in that respect.
It also doesn’t hurt to seek counseling- I have friends who have gone to therapists after losing a loved one, and they can tell you that it’s one of the best decisions they’ve ever made.
It is all just a matter of how heavy everything weighs on your shoulders. Overall just remember to talk about it - it will do wonders for your mental health.
The easiest way I can tell you to get yourself through this is to find something that makes you happy and use it as your coping mechanism. For me, it was music.
Since my dad’s death, I’ve learned to play four times as many instruments and I took to writing my own music as well. If music isn’t your thing, that’s fine too. If you love art, learn how to paint or draw.
So many emotions can be evoked from expressing yourself. It’s one of the healthiest ways to deal with anything. Even writing half a page of how you’re feeling can help. I have journals filled with poetry, relatable lyrics and paragraphs of me venting through my pen.
It’s also extremely important to make sure you keep your routine up. If you have a daily routine of going to the gym, getting to class then going to a nice spot to study, you don’t want to lose that.
Most of the time it’s easier to keep going on with your everyday life because if you stop living the life you’re used to, you won’t gain anything positive. It’s okay to stay in bed sometimes and watch Netflix - if it’s making you feel better, then go for it!
But don’t forget what your life was like before you went through your loss. I can guarantee you that the person you’re mourning over wouldn’t want you to stop living your life efficiently just because they aren't there anymore.
When you lose someone, it’s important to make sure you don’t lose yourself. If you do lose yourself, make sure you know what to do to find yourself again.
These things are never easy, and they’re not supposed to be. But if you take your loved one’s memory and live for it, that’s the beginning of great responsibility and maturity.
No matter what you believe in, I feel it is a universal thought that the person you’re missing is always in your heart. Use that to keep yourself going. In the wise words of Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
