I spent my hourly Facebook time perusing the depressing headlines and memes that my friends had posted when I came across a particularly dismal article from The Onion entitled, “Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop.” The saddest part of the article wasn’t the title, but it was actually a few of the comments on the article from people who were confused as to why this was news. Then, there were a few people who used this article to confirm their opinions that Tim Kaine is an idiot. Just to clarify for any of my readers who are confused as well, The Onion is a satirical newspaper that comes up with articles on subjects that are funny and don’t matter, much like this weekly column does. Anyone who has been caught believing in these sort of articles has often declared that satirical articles are stupid. But, they’re wrong.
Say, you find yourself spending your birthday at your stepfather’s cousin’s uncle’s funeral and during the memorial service afterward, your always-drunk nephew Larry spills glow stick fluid on your dark clothes and steps on your pinky toe, squishing it to a pancake. Immediately after the fact, you could be angry that Larry brought a glow stick to a funeral and that you’re now handicapped due to pancake-toe syndrome. Or, you could read satirical articles about why a dog, who has suddenly learned to speak English, thinks he’s better than a cat or about Tim Kaine riding a conveyor belt in the fetal position. Really, satire provides a momentary escape from the trying or mundane moments in life.
Maybe that’s a little bit far-fetched. Maybe instead, you’re battling a chronic condition of unfeelingness, and you’re trying to learn how to express emotions again. Well, look no further, young, expressionless one! Satirical articles will turn that frown upside down. I mean, why watch a comedy movie or show when you can read articles that hilariously point out the depressing flaws in our system of government or the importance of going to class?
When you think about it that way, why even read serious articles in the first place? Sure, it would be more informational to read about the unexpected drop in your university’s attendance, but that is BORING. It’s much more fun to read about the reasons Batman thinks Superman is lame, and if it can help you cope with chronic disorders and anger during funerals, who knows what else could be at our fingertips with satire? Maybe we’re on the verge of the cure to cancer or the answers to 100 percent efficient and natural fuel. Who really knows? I certainly don’t. That’s why I write satire.
And, in case you were wondering, you did just read about 500 words about why you should read this article.
