Quoted from a song in the musical Avenue Q, “If you were gay, that’d be okay.” Right? In the life of someone who is a part of the LGBT community, life may not be so easy, especially when one hasn’t had their coming out. Inspired by PRIDE Club’s “Coming Out Rally,” this is a glimpse into two peoples lives still working on their coming out stories.
In order to let the two individuals work on their coming out stories in their time, their identities have been changed for the purpose of this article. Rachel is the name used to identify a female who identifies as pansexual, and Susan is used to identify a female who identifies as bisexual.
“Pansexual means I love people for who they are, regardless of orientation,” is how Rachel defines her sexuality. Despite how accepting she is of others, she feels they won’t love her back. “I could never tell my parents; they’re too religious.” There have been multiple incidences where Rachel feels her parents wouldn’t accept her sexuality. “I feel like if I brought a girl home as my partner,” she explains, “my parents would tell me we can’t be together.” Rachel also feels that she isn’t always accepted even amongst those in the LGBT community. She feels that, like someone who may be bisexual, people in the LGBT community feel she needs to choose one sex to love. “Someone said to me once I am ‘greedy’ being a pansexual.”
Although Rachel has not come out publicly, she feels that she is happier when people don’t associate her identity with her sexuality. “I’m just myself, whether I include pansexual or not.” Rachel is currently in a relationship with a straight male. She didn’t tell him of her sexual orientation until after they started dating. “Even though my partner says he still loves me, I think it still bothers him,” she says, “it probably makes him feel uncomfortable.” She and her partner may not often talk about her sexuality, but she feels she and her partner are still in a “very happy” relationship.
Susan identifies herself as bi-sexual. “[However] I do consider myself questioning,” she explains, “because I’ve never been with a girl.” She feels that because of her connecting with the LGBT community, “I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom was questioning if I wasn’t straight.” In her opinion, it is best for her to not tell her family members about her sexuality, unless she begins to date a female. Since only a small number of Susan’s friends know that she identifies as bisexual she has run into many issues where she feels offended, some of those comments coming from even the best of her friends. Her most recent encounter was when she and a friend were watching television and a gay couple is shown on the show. “‘Why does every show need a gay couple?’ the friend said, and I was very offended.” With most of society built around heterosexual couples, she feels that having “one representation of the LGBT community is a good thing.”
Unlike Rachel, Susan is still religious and maintains a connection with being Christian. After wrestling with her feelings of fearing religion she came to the result, as she says, “Everyone is meant to love.” Susan continues to pray daily and feel connected with the strength she gains from her friends and from her religion. “[I know] He loves me.” Susan is still searching for the right place to worship with others who will be accepting of her.
Although Susan is “still figuring out [her] sexual orientation” she is hopeful in finding someone she loves, and that loves her back. Whether it is a female or a male, Susan is still unsure about how to come out fully with what she feels. Susan is still working on understanding herself and others around her. “I am scared that if people know, they will judge me.”
Together Rachel and Susan are both actively searching for themselves. Some members of the LGBT community have hardships with their coming out while others may not. Every member seems to have a similar period of soul searching. However long it takes Rachel and Susan to decide whether or not to come out with their sexual orientations is entirely up to them, and will continue to be supported by those around them. Please continue to support Rachel, Susan and others around you because you never know who is currently writing their own coming out story.
