We’ve all been there. As the temperatures rise, so do the hemlines; but who could resist the super cute shorts, skirts and sundresses? For guys, the allure of the airy basketball shorts and sleeveless shirts is just as powerful – if more for function than a fashion statement.
This new wardrobe, however, presents its own unique challenges: namely chairs, patterned seating surfaces and unexpected breezes. Not to worry, this spring we’ve got the tips to survive any warm weather wardrobe malfunction.
The Passionate Pants-Pull Gentlemen, this one goes out to you who have ever fallen victim to the just right- when-standing, but pillow case like-when-seated, basketball shorts.
Not ready to bare-all to your Bio 101 class? We understand. When you feel the offending leg holes creeping just a little too far north, execute this simple maneuver and tell that dignity to die another day.
While seated, observe your surroundings. Long-winded lecture? Perfect. Simply lie in wait until you note a key vocabulary word (read: long and impressive) and prepare for launch. Place hands discreetly onto the hem of each leg, press lower back into seat and skyrocket upwards as the hands pull the shorts into shape. Loudly declare how much you agree with (key word) and bask in the glory of full participation points.
The Seductive Shimmy Feel those shorts riding just a little too high? Surrounded by the general public, or worse, an 8 a.m. audience? Never fear. We’ve got a super slick move that will have the hemline down and up in confidence in seconds. To execute, start in a seated position (because, let’s be honest, that’s usually how these predicaments arise) and push the upper back into the chair. Lock eyes with a member of the opposite sex across the room, and begin the shimmy the shorts down to their rightful thigh placement while rolling the shoulders in a slow, come-hither fashion.
No humans in your eye line? No problem. Proudly face the window and prepare to make Mother Nature’s heart race. The Human Stamp Remember that one glorious bench, the one with just enough shade, sun and people to watch as you debate the merits of attending that 2:30 history class? It remembers you too. Specifically, that exposed skin of yours just waiting for the bench to imprint its beautiful wood grain pattern into. So the next time you find yourself with cheetah-legs on the way to class, take a moment to stop and embrace your spots. Mention to someone who walks by that you heard of a new strain of virus that results in reptilian-like skin, shrug and then proceed to bend and pick up a nearby object you “dropped” as you begin to walk away.
In all seriousness, however, I am by all means not here to pass judgment. As a member of the 5’3 and under crowd, shorter hemlines can seem like a necessity in some circumstances. What we choose to wear on a daily basis is our choice and ours alone. As individuals, we have the right to choose our actions and accordingly accept their consequences, be it patterned, splinterfilled legs or unfortunate tan lines. What is not okay, however, is to condemn others in their choices. So many times we are quick to judge a person’s values and morality based solely on the length or coverage of their attire. I will freely admit I do it all the time; ‘Oh, she/ he’s wearing THAT? She/he just wants attention.”
But what is it really that would give me this impression? The garments themselves aren’t inherently indicative of indecency; and who am I to decide that the intention behind the ensemble was to be provocative and not simply to stay cool in the heat, look cute or the result of a dryer and 100 percent cotton material?
The truth is, outside of appropriateness in work, academic and other structured social events, none of us retain any power to truly judge any part of a person’s character based on attire selections. A character cannot be measured in inches of fabric (or lack thereof).
