Writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the two that gave movie fans those memorable moments from the parodies of "Scary Movie" and "Date Movie" are at it again. But this time around, things aren't so funny, as they are beginning to run low in jokes almost as bad as Seth MacFarlane with "Family Guy." The two have decided to step away from the one-hit-wonder films they targeted back in the "Scary Movie" days and moved to a much larger target-An actually successful film based on successful books written by a successful woman, Stephenie Myer.
That's right, "Twilight" is locked in the crosshairs of two of the most brilliant men in modern-day slapstick comedies that make us love every movie they hate so much more.
If you're a fan of the "Twilight" series, this parody is certainly the last thing you'll want to see. However, if you have a keen interest in those dry humored parody films that Friedberg and Seltzer specialize in, then it's your lucky day.
While there exists a list of obvious problems with "Vampires Suck," the largest of those lies in the time the film arrived on the big screen. While it is no secret that "Twilight" is still a big deal for girls who lack that certain brain cell, the hype has certainly died since the first movie debuted in 2008. That's the problem with this parody, it would have been beautiful two years ago, but today, it's lacks the timeliness it needs.
The plot revolves around moments from the first two Twilight films-"Twilight" and "New Moon"-that made adolescent girls coo twice as much than a certain prepubescent male teenage artist who I refuse to mention. I'll give you a hint, his name rhymes with beaver. In fact, if you hated those movies, most of what goes on in the parody is probably what you imagined while you sat through them.
"Vampires Suck" begins with a collection of teen ladies who seem to enjoy bashing one another's heads in with shovels. Becca, (Jenn Proske) the "Vampires Suck" version of the "Twilight" character Bella, resides in Sporks, a play on the actual town of Forks, Wash., the setting for most of the action in the "Twilight" saga.
Through a parade of unwieldy conversations with her father (Diedrich Bader of "The Drew Carey Show") and school colleagues, Becca finds herself in a pickle-should she choose the sparkling vampire Edward (Matt Lanter) who can juggle a baby, a book, and an apple all at the same time, or the lovable and affectionate guy who looks like he's from an Axe commercial, Jacob (Chris Riggi).
While "Twilight" fans will understand all the subtleties such as Edward's lightning-fast speed, his desire to create some puncture wounds in Becca's neck, and the secret of the Sullens, they probably will not share a laugh with their parody-loving roommates.
Proske's movements and speech are synonymous to the portrayal of Kristen Stewart in the original flick. She has the awkward twitching bit down pat, that's for sure. Ken Jeong ("The Hangover" and "The Goods") and comedy great from "The Kids in the Hall," Dave Foley, make a brief appearance toward the end of the film-probably about the time most people have exited. Most likely, a smart decision on their part.
For those who suffered relentlessly through the first two "Twilight" pictures, they will enjoy it's pokes at pop culture icons such as the cast of "Jersey Shore" and the Kardashians as well as the musical performance of "It's Raining Men" by Jacob's wolf pack. Even the recent release of "Dear John" couldn't escape the jabbing. Sadly, there were no Michael Jackson "Thriller" jokes. I guess it was just too soon.
Hopefully this will be the last "Vampires Suck" we have to endure. There's no need to make a parody of the last two "Twilight" films. I have a feeling they'll be nauseating enough. Grade: C-
Rated PG-13 for sexual content, comic violence, crude humor, teen partying, and language
The three main villian's of the parody strike a pose.
Becca (Jenn Proske) and Edward (Matt Lanter) stare a moment during the film "Vampires Suck."
