Skip to main content
  • Updated
  • 1

It has become easy to sit behind a computer and type negative comments to those who you may never encounter in real life. Unfortunately, this becomes a breeding ground for destructive comments and the people who post them.

Latest e-Edition

  • To view our latest e-Edition click the image on the left.

The Rotonion is back

  • Updated
  • 1

Q1: “I hate the fact that humans need to sleep. It’s such a waste of time to be doing nothing for 8 hours. How can I make my sleeping hours more productive?”

Thanks for your inquiry! I’d like to congratulate you on needing advice from The Rotonion within the first two weeks of school. Being the first of the desperate and advice-grubbing is always an accomplishment.

Your question brings up an interesting misconception. Many people believe that sleep is necessary, but the need for rest is just a social construct. It’s the sort of thing that one might only believe if they pay attention to the lies pouring from the foaming mouth of the evil media.

Now, you might be asking yourself, “Well what do I do instead?” Naturally, if you don’t want to waste time sleeping, then just don’t sleep. Suddenly, you may find yourself with up to 10 hours of more free time per day.

There are plenty of things you can do instead of sleep. You could use that time to focus on your sc...

Read more

How to use bonus dollars and turn a guy down

  • Updated
  • 2

Q1: “Help. I still have 200 bonus dollars, and it’s May. What should I do?” 

Let me start by congratulating you. Most college students do not have the level of self-control or appreciation for Dhall food to end the year with 200 bonus dollars left. Good on you. 

At this point, bonus dollars are quite the commodity. You could just go on a spending spree and use the remainder of the semester to eat fast food non-stop, OR you could use it to your advantage. Nobody wants to be stuck eating Dhall food for two and a half weeks straight (What’s up with that exam schedule, anyway?), but that’s exactly the situation that a lot of students are in right now (Did you read Vivian’s Dhall article from last week?). 

So, trade them for things you need but can’t afford as you’re stuck with bonus dollars, which are truly useless unless you want a bursting burrito or sketchy sushi anyway. 

Need a couple of blue books for exam week? Make some poor hungry fool give you theirs ...

Read more


  • Updated
  • 1

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Rotonion. That’s pronounced Row-to-yun. Like Rotunda plus Onion. Because we wrote satire...or try to. Like The Onion. Get it? It’s funny. 

We are starting off the new semester by taking questions from you! Because we like to be involved in the community and also are too lazy to think of our own topics!

Here is the question from for this week. 

“I hate the fact that humans need to sleep. It can be such a waste of time doing nothing for eight hours. How can I make my sleeping hours so productive?”

I’m glad you came to us for your mediocre advice needs. 

I get it. You, whoever you are, are a busy and productive productive individual. You cannot afford to be out of commission for eight hours like a peasant. You need that time, because time is money and your driver is waiting to take you to your jet. 

So what do you do? Well legally I cannot tell you to do cocaine. Even though that would help. It’s a bad idea, and...

Read more

He says

  • Updated
  • 1

Hello anyone who bothers to read this, and welcome to the Rotonion. Please set your oven to medium heat and cut your Rotonion into rings because this week we are going to saute some more questions, and season to tase.

First on the chopping block:

"Help, i still have 200 bonus dollars and it’s may, what should i do?"

Buy me food.


"I go to charlies from time to time and this big nerdo keeps recommending that I get a reuben instead of the endless italian buffet, how do i inform him that I can’t continue to talk with him? Or should i just ignore him from now until forever?"

The end of a relationship is always hard, especially when one party involved just doesn't realize that it's over. Obviously this man, we’ll call him Ruben (side note, who decided that Ruben is a good name? IT’S A SANDWHICH. I digress), is devastated; he's not over you, and is still holding on hope that y...

Read more

Rotunda Studios